Our journey to become a family of 4 sure hasn't been very easy. And, just when we thought that nothing could be harder than "trying" to have baby number one, "trying" for baby number two has consumed us like never before.
Our sweet, precious Jilian is baby number one. She has taught us a lot of things that we never thought we would have to learn, and this was even before she was born. That's where the story all starts.....
After unsuccessfully trying for our first child in mid 2004, my doctor prescribed me two fertility drugs. First, Glucophage. After 3 months of no response, he put me on Clomid, a very common form of fertility drugs. During this time, I was also doing the basil body tempuratures every morning to help predict my most fertile time. I mean, how could this be so hard for me - I've had a baby already once before? (back when I was a wee lassy, placed him up for adoption, but that's a whole other post!) After 3 months of no response to the Clomid, my doctor finally decided to test Brad. His first count showed absolutely no sperm. So, there was OBVIOUSLY an error somewhere. So, they tested him again. That's when our whole lives changed -for the first time. I remember very distinctively sitting in my doctors office for some reason and telling him, before Brad had actually been diagnosed, that his count came back zero - AGAIN. My doctor said that Brad needed to make an appointment right away with his urologist and find out. Looking back, my doctor knew that something wasn't right after hearing the test be zero again, but I didn't catch on.
Brad was finally diagnosed in March 2005 with "congenital bilateral absence of the vas deferens." This condition means that while Brad has sperm, he is unable to transport it appropriately. In male infertiltiy, CBAVD only accounts for 1-2%. It is virtually a vasectomy given at birth and cannot be corrected. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I don't think that Brad and I understood exactly what our fate was other than "this cannot be good." Without fully understanding how this would impact our conception of a child, we were just filled with questions. My doctor referred us to a fertility doctor. It took about a month to have a consultation with him. That month was living hell. We had so many questions, and we had zero answers.
When we finally saw the doctor, our options were presented to us. We could have Brad's sperm extracted through a procedure called MESA. Once that was completed, then we could do IVF. But, not just "regular" IVF, an advanced form called ICSI. Or, we could purchase donor sperm and have it injected via IUI - artificially inseminated. So, our journey began.....looking for a sperm donor. We looked for all the same characteristics of Brad, but also for any family medical history. We settled on one, and the process began. We buy enough of the speciman for 2 tries, and 2 tries is 2 vials. So, we bought 4 vials.
The doctor wanted to see a full cycle of mine with out any meds. This required bloodwork throughout my cycle and having a sonogram every other day to look at my folicles. I also did a test to check my fallopian tubes which required a hospital visit and dye....not sure what else happened there! :) And, like a good menstrual cycle, the timing was perfect, the folicles were perfect and just the right size. So, next cycle will be insemination. This is the great thing about this doctor, he doesn't mess around. We got started right away.
Next cycle, turned out great. They injected me with HCG which stimulated ovulation, and I was inseminated the next day. Funny thing is, Brad wasn't even there! I remember laying there for 15 minutes after it was done. They had a timer on, and with every tick, I felt like an hour was passing. Is there anything I can be doing to make sure this works? Timer went off, and I headed back to work. Done.
The next two weeks were the longest two weeks of our lives. I was required to take oral progesterone to thicken the lining of my "wall". In that two weeks, our niece was born. Maybe that was a sign. On May 31st, 2005, I took my 5th pregnancy test, and it was POSITIVE! Finally! Even on the first try! I called the doctor immediately, and they got me in for bloodwork to confirm it. I continued for 10 weeks to see the fertility doctor. Then, I was turned over to my OB/GYN's care. This was not an easy pregnancy. I was sick until my 20th week, but it was all worth it. Jilian Grace was born on February 13th, 2006. She was a gift that we never thought we would get. And, you know what? It didn't matter that she wasn't biologically Brad's child. He was more than that....he was her Dad. He IS her Dad, and nothing, not even DNA, can change that.
And so.....the journey for baby number 2 begins....
We have enough for one more try left. We made an appointment with the fertility doctor again, and went over our options AGAIN. We have researched the donor, and he has no more specimen left. Can we only use one vial on this next try, just in case? Yes, we can.
So, my next cycle started, and the fun began again. More bloodwork, more sonograms every other day. BUT, if everything looked good, we could try on THIS cycle. Bloodwork was good. Folicles looked good. So, we stimulated ovulation again and inseminated the next day. Funny thing, Brad wasn't there AGAIN! No worries - we're superstitious....keeping it the same as last time.
I started taking the same oral progesterone as before, and discontinued taking my sleep aid - which turned out to be a disaster. Then, of course, my kidney stone in my left kidney decided to act up. Urologist said "take 2 of these, and call me in the morning." There was nothing he could do in case I was pregnant. Of course, once again, the next 2 weeks seemed like an eternity. And, of course, since I didn't realize that I was suffering from withdrawals from abruptly quitting my sleep aid, I thought I was pregnant FOR SURE.
Two weeks later, I started my period.....bummer. But, since we didn't put all of our eggs in one basket (literally), we still had one vial left.
So, we met with the doctor AGAIN in February. He told us our options and how to increase our odds of getting pregnant since we only had one vial left of this donor. The next step up (which only increases our odds by around 5-10%) was super-ovulation. Basically, they tell my body to release more than one folicle, like 3 or 4, but no more than that. This DOES increase our chances of multiples by about 20%, but this is a chance we are willing and prepared to take. Then, after that is the special IVF. We decided on super-ovulation. WOW....what a treat.
First, this involved an "education class." The primary purpose of this class was to learn how to give myself injections (which, BTW, are not covered by insurance) pretty much every day for the next 2 months. I feel like I should be qualified as a nurse now. And, don't get me started on how in the world I'm going to give myself shots when I'm afraid of needles. I haven't quite wrapped my head around that yet. We were just trying to get through this meeting without completely losing "it" - whatever "it" is. I'm close to it though, I just know it. There are four different types of syringes and injections. And this calendar - it looks like it's written in code not meant for English speaking people. I have to keep up with when I take what, including the birth control pill and an anti-biotic. I failed this test. I already screwed up and didn't know what to do when I "started." It happened on a weekend so I couldn't call the doctor to find out.....that was very stressful....that was this past weekend. What they are doing is completely supressing my cycle this month so that they have better chances of completely manipulating it next cycle for the IUI. We got all the injections in today....that was scary.
Once again, it has completely overwhelmed us. We are remined even more of this "thing" that we cannot control. I feel scared, nervous, excited, overwhelmed, baffled and loved. We haven't given many details of this second journey to anyone. That is not how I cope with things. My life is an open book. I credit surviving one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do (placing my son up for adoption 10 years ago) to talking about it and relating to people in similar situations. This second chapter of our lives - which hasn't really even started yet - has been difficult for us to share. It is like hearing the news of Brad's diagnosis all over again. There is a responsibility of acceptance that I haven't grasped yet, and that is why I feel overwhelmed again.
I'm big on signs.....they are the intangible glimmers of hope that create an obvious sense of fulfillment when all else fails. We are waiting for our sign this time around.....
Well, I LOVE Wheel Of Fortune, so when I got the opportunity to go to the auditions, I took it. It was so fun! We waited in the longest line EVER for like an hour and a half.
The called about 6 groups of 5. So, actually, only 30 people (of about 800) were chosen to go up.
